Initiating the bride into the responsibilities of marriage and making love—a role that, in our culture, has primarily been assigned to bucks strippers, or perhaps to a sex toy or pornography—is a common separation ritual for marriage in many traditional societies. This highlights a crucial role that the rite of passage plays in helping us through a difficult and demanding period in our life cycle.
Purification is yet another potential purpose of the bride’s separation ritual. The bride immerses herself in a ritual bath, or Mikveh, in Orthodox Judaism. In numerous Eastern customs, the bride decorates, purges, and is protected by donning elaborate designs made of henna dye on her hands and feet. The bachelor party in Germany is called Junggesellenabschied (“farewell to bachelorhood”). However, on the eve of the wedding, there’s another event called Polterabend, where guests break old crockery in an ancient custom meant to ward off evil spirits. The spa day, of course, is the contemporary heir to all of these customs. Other, more minor functions of the buck and hen may include:
- Making a joke out of marriage in order to make it seem less serious.
- removing the bride’s hand from the groom and vice versa.
- punishing the couple for abandoning their pals.
- making up an excuse to treat oneself or one’s friends poorly.
- establishing a front for socially acceptable liberation and revelry—not unlike an orgy.
- honoring the bride’s or groom’s life.
- honoring the masculine or feminine form.
- promoting societal conformance.
Over the course of a generation, hens and bucks in particular have developed into elaborate gatherings that involve varying degrees of intoxication and revelry, frequently spanning multiple days in a distant city of immorality. Events planners now supply everything from drinking games to stretch limousines, and from bucks strippers emerging from tiered cakes to paintballing and tank driving. These kinds of get-togethers have given rise to an entire industry.
Why have hens and bucks become so significant? Economically speaking, travel is now inexpensive and commonplace. Individuals are getting married later in life and earning more money, which gives them more disposable income than ever. From a sociocultural perspective, compared to previous generations, ours is more free-spirited and possibly even more conceited. The buck specifically could be a pathetic attempt to articulate deeply ingrained but increasingly vulnerable notions about marriage and masculinity.
Throughout the majority of human history, marriage has been a necessary family, social, and financial requirement. However, it has become more and more of a lifestyle choice in recent years due to factors like female emancipation, rising life expectancy, and declining infant mortality.
The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard wrote in the 19th century: “You will regret marrying; you will regret not marrying; you will regret marrying or not marrying, you will regret both.”
More than ever, a portion of the bride and groom are hesitant to get married, and the buck or hen serves as a sort of manic defense against a loss of possibility and freedom. For the other guests, it also serves as a manic defense against the loss of a friend to an increasingly esoteric and distant institution.
The manic defense works to divert the mind from negative emotions like fear and sadness by associating them with positive emotions like euphoria and intentional activities.
